“42% of Black women have never been married”

This is the scary statistic that is displayed across the screen after the powerfully real opening scene of “Being Mary Jane” that aired on BET this past Tuesday.

The scene begins with Mary Jane, a single successful T.V. journalist (played by the beautiful Gabrielle Union) baking a cake at 2am in the morning and receiving an unexpected but SEXY late night visitor. She’s had a casual relationship with this man for the past few months. The man is highly intoxicated but insists that he needs to see Mary Jane. After she runs upstairs in excitement, she drastically cleans her room and sexifies herself for her late night guest. After a passionate love making session, I mean REALLY passionate love making session, she tries to nurse him back to sobriety and he tells her he loves her for the first time.

She takes this as a sign from God that this is the man for her and joyfully goes downstairs to get his clothes all cleaned up for him. While she is cleaning she discovers a wedding ring in his shirt pocket and angrily throws him out of her house.

Now though the movie gives the disclaimer that it “does not represent all single black women” I can speak freely by saying that it definitely did a good job of representing similar scenarios that myself and many of my other beautiful, single, and successful friends go through on a regular basis.

I couldn’t help but ask myself “Why is it that such a large number of black women haven’t been married?”

Well if you ask a black man he’ll probably say the typical “All black women have attitudes” or “She’s got trust issues. She thinks all men are gonna mistreat her like she’s been in the past” or even “Black women wouldn’t know a good man if God physically hit her over the head with one.” AND LET’S NOT FORGET: “Black women are too independent. They act like they don’t need us anymore.”

Well let me address each of those stereotypes:

“All Black Women have attitudes:”

Well maybe sometimes we do. And thats because many of us have been hurt over and over and over again and are fed up. Every black man we meet says he’s different and proves to be just like the one before. He cheats, he lies, he whatever. So when we already have to deal with stress on the job, being a mother (and sometimes a father), paying all the bills, taking care of ourselves, when someone comes into our lives and causes an unnecessary headache in our lives then yes, maybe we can have an attitude. But I don’t believe by any means that it’s a black woman think. It’s a fed up woman thing. Attitude has no color.

“She has trust issues. She thinks all men are gonna mistreat her like she’s been in the past”

Sometimes I think men mean well in the beginning. But after a while, they get distracted. They wanna spend more time with their friends, or another woman. You know the old saying that men say right? “Ain’t no pussy like new pussy.” Well you know what, at this point in my life, I believe that men really do feel this way. Most men are never content. And if they do decide to settle down, it’s gonna be with someone that will put up with his B.S. Sort of like the man’s wife in “Being Mary Jane” that is going to continue to stay in the relationship with her husband because she loves him and is probably afraid of being a single woman and mother. Now don’t get me wrong, I know forgiveness is apart of life, but like I mentioned in a previous blog entitled “Is this what men really think?” some men just want that one woman who is gonna put up with his continuous bull until “He’s” ready to do right. Maybe some of that 42%, like myself will not allow that type of disrespect and humiliation just to have a warm body in bed next to her every night.

“Black women wouldn’t know a good man if God physically hit her over the head with one.”

Well you know, maybe this is true. I’m woman enough to look in the mirror and face my truths. There are some very good men that have come into my life and for one reason or another I passed them up. But a lot of times these men who think they’re “good” aren’t all that! They’ve got their demons too. But I can honestly say that sometimes women, not just black women have an expectation in their head of what their Mr. Right should look, sound, and act like that when a good man is front of them, but they don’t meet all of those expectations, we pass them up. But in our defense, PHYSICAL ATTRACTION IS IMPORTANT! It shouldn’t be a deal breaker but if it’s not there it’s not there. And the ugly truth is that there aren’t enough good looking, smart, FAITHFUL, financially stable Christian men walking around for all 42% of us! Some will either have to stay single, settle, or condense the ‘dream guy’ list by a couple of qualities.

“Black women are too independent. They act like they don’t need us anymore.”

Now independent I am, but I am never, ever, EVER too independent to have a king by my side. However, because of so many failed attempts at relationships, we can’t help but to be independent. Our bills don’t get paid unless we work to do it. Clothes don’t get put on our back unless we work to make that happen. I won’t have a roof over my head unless, I go to work to provide that roof. So what in the hell is wrong with being independent? Now what we don’t need is someone coming into our life adding unneeded drama, financial debt, and heartache into our lives. We are independent, but that word is looked upon negatively to black men lately. Any man that is lucky enough to be with me or any great woman that knows how to treat her man will treat him like the deserving king that he is. But it takes a special kind of man to get that treatment.