So I follow another blogger named Stephan Labossiere on a website called Stephanspeaks.com

He wrote an interesting blog called “7 Reasons Why She is Just His Side Chick.”

I couldn’t help but think of my character Deena as she has knowingly and willingly taken on this embarrassing role in Greg’s life. For those that need to get caught up on Deena refer to my previous blog “Deena’s Dirty Little Secret (Side Chick Struggle).”

As I read the reasons that Stephan gave as to why a woman would take on such a role, two of them immediately screamed “Deena.” Here are the two that I pulled:

She Fears A Real Relationship – The truth is our world is filled with damaged and hurt individuals. The disappointments in love and relationships have caused many people to operate with walls up. For some, what better wall to protect yourself than knowingly not being the only woman in that man’s life. Some women figure this is safer to the heart and emotions while still providing them companionship at some level. Of course this is risky business because eventually many still develop an unhealthy attachment. Yet and still this situation is appealing to some who think they are “protecting themselves”.

and…

She Gets A High From Dealing With Another Woman’s Man – Obviously there is a deeper rooted issue here but at the surface this is an ego boost to many. She likes the fact that she has the next girl’s man running after her. She enjoys doing something that others view as wrong (forbidden fruit). There may be a bitterness factor at play because she has been burned and hurt in the past so this makes her feel like she is in control. It’s just a thrill for her and she really isn’t ready or willing to embrace something with real substance and effort (see #3).

In talking with Deena, I discovered that indeed she has been hurt very badly in the past. One man in particular with whom she never got the closure that she wanted. She and this man were working on rebuilding a relationship after a tumultuous few years (off and on) together. Then one day, she catches a woman at his house whom he had just picked up at the bar.

She was completely hurt by seeing this with her own eyes and although he apologized for hurting her, she still never understood why he never could be in a relationship with her and ends up having a very public monogomous relationship with the woman he’d picked up at the bar.

This happened 10 years ago.

She tried to have other relationships after this but the trust was never there. When she met men that really wanted to treat her right, she just couldn’t bring herself to be committed.

But when she met Greg, who she knew had a girlfriend, she just figured this kind of relationship was the one way she knew she could not get hurt. She already knows what she is getting herself into and therefore can keep a wall up from developing feelings.

Well one year later into the relationship what has happened? She has developed feelings. And according to her so has Greg. During a passionate love making session after Deena was ready to break it off with him, Greg asked her if she loved him. She looked at him in his eyes and nodded yes. He in turn said, “I love you too.”

Now this could all be a mind trick that Greg is playing on Deena to keep her close. But of course she wants to believe him. About a couple of weeks ago, They spent an entire day together in which he planned lunch, couples massages, and a day at the zoo.

It was one of the most romantic dates Deena has experienced in a long time. As a matter of fact, every date he takes her on is amazing. But she is feeling much too attached at this point and she is starting to feel emotions that she was supposed to avoid in this role as “Side Chick.”

The people in Deena’s life fear of her getting hurt is growing by the minute. They keep reminding her of her value and how she deserves so much more than to be some man’s “secret.” Her mother asked “What if you were in trouble, had car trouble or in danger? Would you be able to call him?” The answer would be no because his first loyalty lies with his girlfriend which he has openly admitted that he has no intentions of leaving. Her girl friends believe that Greg is content having “two girlfriends.” One whom he keeps private and one who he shows off.

But why should Deena be the secret? Well it’s because she’s allowed herself to be. The only person responsible for her possible heartbreak is herself. Which is why she should get out of this while she can.

Any woman that allows herself to be a “side chick” deserves heartbreak. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that Deena does not deserve better. She absolutely does. However, she is setting herself up for failure by knowingly staying in this role.

She insists this time that she is letting it go. She has already been promoted to another role within her firm and will not be working in the same office as Greg anymore. This was a good first step for her to try and get out of this relationship.

It’s unfair to her and it’s unfair to the girlfriend who is in the dark as to what her boyfriend has been up to.

The only person winning here is Greg.