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Written by: ToKayBe

I’m 32 now, but when I was around 21 my mentor, who at the time was 35, told me that a “boyfriend” is a guy who you are getting to know. Someone who you are dating. when you are dating someone it is just that dating.

When you are ” boyfriend and girlfriend” you are testing out the waters. He is free to date whomever he pleases, and vice versa. When he proposes to you or if you are married and he has an intimate relationship with someone else, then and only then, is it cheating.

I remember I looked at her like, “bitch please.”

Now at 32, I’m like… “Shit, you ain’t never lied.”

As women we are emotional creatures and often very territorial. For some of us its after we have good sex with a man then he becomes “our man”. In the beginning of a relationship they sweep us off our feet, wine and dine us, and whisper all of those sweet nothing’s in our ear. They let us meet their friends, kids, even mom and dad. They buy christmas gifts and birthday gifts. And the sex is the best we ever had in our entire life. We get so emotionally involved within the first few months..sometimes weeks…and then the games start.

You know, he’s not calling or texting like he used to. His time is more occupied than normal. Then here comes our good “ole intuition.” Now we going through his phone checking his text messages, voicemails, trying to crack passwords codes to his email and Facebook.

And then BOOM!!

There it is.

What you were looking for you found. And now you are DEVASTATED. You can’t eat. You can’t sleep. You’re nervous and trembling smoking cigarettes or weed at night. Crying listening to sad love songs, posting drunk comments on social media like “To the left, to the left” or “karma’s a bitch mutha fucka believe me.” Then we wanna call the girl and question her and look even more crazy on the phone asking questions like “are you fucking my man?” when you already read that in the text message!!!

I could go one but for WHAT!

When at the end of the day he was never yours to begin with. He doesn’t become yours until you and him become one in holy matrimony. It’s cute when people say we are common law married, or we agreed to be in a monogamous relationship. Ha! Don’t play yourself. He saw something else he wanted and did what men do. Granted, not all men cheat. But when they do why are we so mad when he’s not our husband? Don’t get me wrong married people cheat too. But the big difference is they took a vow, in front of God, the pastor, the court official, their family and friends and claimed that this is the only person they want to be with until death do them part. The ultimate step was taken and now two became one. They have earned the right to feel every emotion in the book when they learned their spouse cheated because they gave away their heart to their spouse and in exchange their spouse is supposed to protect their heart.

Not to get biblical on a dating blog but the bible says “above all things protect your heart.” If we spend more time protecting ourselves in the beginning then we won’t end up tore up in the end.